The Crumb Wars 4: Rice Wars

The following report is from our foreign correspondent, Heath Dempster, based in the Central Republic of Kitchen.

Information is just coming in that rebels in the Central Republic of Kitchen – who have for some weeks been waging a toast crumbs guerrilla war in the Bench fringes of the country – are being supplied with higher grade weapons from the subcontinent.

Locals say the first appearance of Basmati Rice was thought to be a one-off but there are eye witness reports of increasingly brazen use of this dangerous weapon in all areas of the Bench.

It is assumed that the weapons are being smuggled into the country via the secretive enclave of Pantry. The CRK has been in trade negotiations with the rogue state to open up trade routes but talks were abandoned last week over the suspected misappropriation of Biscuit Funds.

Government forces have been sent into the region to track down the weapons and to capture those responsible. However, it is feared that should the Basmati Rice supply route be shut down, the rebels may resort to the more lethal Jasmine Rice.

Observers from the United Household Nations are monitoring the situation.

More reports as information comes to hand.


Evidence of the rebels’ use of the new weapon Basmati Rice. (Image copyright: Fisher Paykel, CRK)


In Related News:

The Crumb Wars: Battle of the Bench
The Crumb Wars 2: Expansion Into The Northern States
The Crumb Wars 3: Abandonment of Civic Order



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24 thoughts on “The Crumb Wars 4: Rice Wars

  1. First crumbs, now rice? When will it ever end? Elbow pasta? Elbowla? Get it?

    OK, that was lame, and possibly in extremely bad taste. But I haven’t been online much today.

    BTW… my email notice to this post took me to a broken link page… but I persevered and navigated here via your homepage.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Sorry about the link. Something went pear-shaped (or possibly elbow-shaped) when I published. I think it was WP telling me “It’s 3.30am. You should be in bed. Don’t you have a run in the morning?” More than sometimes I hate WP.

      Thanks for persevering. With the joke, I mean.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Civil disobedience, mayhem everywhere. If this continues much longer, we might see an international incident bigger than the collapse of the Berlin Wall!! All dictators everywhere are watching with growing concern.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bloody HILARIOUS, as ever, H !!! And I can see the dangers inherent in allowing this situation to continue: it’s obvious that Steps Must Be Taken, regardless of collateral damage (to any other supplies) …
    I am knitting large red woollen socks, even as we speak … [grin]

    Liked by 2 people

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