The Crumb Wars 3: Abandonment of Civic Order

Central Republic of Kitchen

Our local presenter, Nigel Havenstock, speaks to foreign correspondent Heath Dempster about the latest developments in the Central Republic of Kitchen.

Nigel: Heath, thanks for joining us. Fill us in on what has been happening in the CRK.

Heath: Thank you, Nigel. Well, it seems the situation here has worsened considerably in recent days and there is a great deal of tension in the region.

Nigel: Tension? Why?

Heath: As you will be aware, the leader of the CRK, Mother, attempted to force Clean Up After Yourself legislation through parliament a fortnight ago in order to combat an insurgency in the outlying Bench areas of the CRK. So far this move has been unsuccessful. For the past two days, Mother has travelled outside the country to consult with members of the United Household Nations. It is believed she has appealed for international support for these harsh measures.

Nigel: Yes, our reporter Beryl Maynard was present at the talks. We understood that some support was likely.

Heath: Yes, I believe the news that came back from the UHN Headquarters was that the talks were positive. However, it would seem that the UHN ultimately cannot affect any real control over the situation in the CRK.

Nigel: You said that the situation had worsened. Can you tell us what has happened?

Heath: Well, Nigel, it appears that while Mother was out of the country, all civil obedience was abandoned. Standard civic services, such as Dishes and Hanging Up Towels – that had until now been carried out without issue – were discontinued in the leader’s absence. This has lead to increased chaos and a deterioration in living conditions for residents of the CRK and nearby areas.

Nigel: But who has been responsible for this rebellion?

Heath: Nigel, that is the surprising thing. It was expected that there could be some trouble from the rebels who have been waging a guerilla war of crumbs in the Bench areas of the country. However, it would seem that much of the rebellion has been orchestrated, or at least been allowed to occur, by the former Deputy Leader.

Nigel: Oh yes. Father was ousted from his position as Deputy Leader recently by Mother, was he not?

Heath: That’s correct, Nigel. It is thought that his demotion from the Cabinet may be behind the recent encouragement of civil disobedience.

Nigel: I imagine that did not go down well on Mother’s return?

Heath: [laughs wryly] No, Nigel, it certainly did not. Mother immediately invoked her emergency powers of Clean Up Now which caused considerable tension in the region, particularly among the rebels. Order is slowly being restored but we are keeping a watchful eye on proceedings.

Nigel: Do you think there will be a need to evacuate?

Heath: It is difficult to tell at this stage. Things are reasonably quiet at present but the clean up is still underway in the outlying areas and, of course, the Northern States are still a problem. It is possible that the rebels could step up their campaign in protest at the compulsory National Cleaning Service currently being invoked through Mother’s emergency powers.

Nigel: Thank you for joining us, Heath. I suppose things will depend on Mother’s success in forcing through the Clean Up After Yourself legislation?

Heath: Yes, that is certainly what the international community is wondering. Thanks, Nigel.

Nigel: That was Heath Dempster reporting from the Central Republic of Kitchen. It certainly seems that order may yet be established in the region following Mother’s return from the UHN but we continue to monitor the situation.



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30 thoughts on “The Crumb Wars 3: Abandonment of Civic Order

  1. My goodness…the saga continues. Mother is going to have to watch this situation closely…but with Father now demoted from his position, where will she find inside backup?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t let up now. Stay strong and resolute, fight off the riff-raff. Stand your ground and yield to no-one. Let the democratic process take its course. Make sure the Father of the kitchen fends off the pretenders to the throne of Pine-o-clean and Omo rights.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hang in there, fearless leader! This is so weird. I looked over at my Reader just now and saw you under that category “Blogs You May Like.” I say to myself, “Why, yes, in fact I do like that blog which is why I follow it.” But just to make sure, I check. Somehow I had unfollowed you. Do not ask me how these things happen.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. LOL! I am loving this series. I know I shouldn’t really laugh about chaos reigning in the CRK and those revolting peasants, but it is sooo funny! Does Mother ever find strange creatures incubating beneath the beds in the Sleepy Lowlands?
    Love from the peaceful Shires xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Anarachy!!!

    I’m so sorry to hear about the deteriorating conditions in the CRK. I hope that all sanctions and martial law pull conditions back under control soon. We can’t allow one Mother Dictator to fail or we all suffer!!


    • There is already an issue in the neigbouring United States of Lounge where Folded Clothes was enacted over a week ago and so far the citizens have taken no follow up action of Putting Away. Honestly, I’m not sure if there’s any hope….


      • I’m sorry I can offer you no wisdom or guidance. I lost all the cleanup wars with my local rebels until finally I surrendered all control for the sake of my sanity.

        Finally the rebels moved out. The Deputy Minister is now isolated. Mwahahahaha!

        Liked by 2 people

  6. It is hard to be optimistic in the face of such wholesale rebellion, particularly when the normal civil disobedience often found among novice guerillas has apparently been encouraged (nay, inflamed) by a disaffected deputy leader who might be expected to have sophisticated tactics up his sleeve.
    I can only suggest that other Fearless Leaders in similar situations have found that total withdrawal from the CRK (preferably to a fortress surrounded by entertaining reading material) can ultimately bring the rebels to their knees. The cessation of food services can indeed be ugly in the short term, but the long-term results are generally gratifying. (Maccas is all very well for a while, but requires more effort and forethought than meals on the table or a quick trip to the fridge.)


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