I Am Not The Person You Are Looking For

Human beings are such complex and contradictory creatures. We can profess to want one thing and yet yearn for another.

We claim to be excited by the new but cling to the familiar. We seek the unexpected but baulk at its unpredictability.

And I’m not just talking about the latest smartphone or the changing face of our suburbs. The same seems to hold true in our relationships with each other.

What happens when the joking, life-of-the-party decides he has had enough of being entertaining and becomes introspective and serious?

What happens when the joiner of committees, participant in working bees and attendee of groups and classes decides to withdraw from all commitments and focus on herself?

What happens when the one who has always been available to provide a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on decides to distance himself to focus on his own life troubles?

What happens?

The world doesn’t cope.

The friends of the Joker, used to sitting back and being entertained, find it too hard to have a serious conversation and stop inviting him to social events.

The members of committees and working bees, the leaders of groups and teachers of classes, instead of inspiring new people to participate, bemoan the fact that things no longer get done and people no longer come now the Joiner is not involved.

The friends of the Carer resent his unavailability to them and withdraw their friendship just when he needs it most.

What does the one who has changed do now?

A. He reverts back to his previous persona, all the while resenting the role he must play to comply with expectations.


B. She persists in her new persona and suffers the barbs and the loneliness this attracts.

Both difficult choices.


When others come looking for the person he or she used to be, there’s always the good old Jedi mind trick.

“I am not the person you are looking for.”


2014: Countdown On A Year Of Change

Change. Life is all about change.

I just wish it wouldn’t change so fast.

This year has seen more than its fair share of change and transition. Looking back over the past year, I can’t help wondering how I managed to get this far with my sanity intact.

Mostly intact.

A little bit intact.

Did someone say sanity?

Change Quote 6


We embark on the new school year in the knowledge that this will be one of moving towards change. The Eldest Son in his final year of school, the Youngest Son finishing his time in primary school. And we move into the difficult middle year with the Middle Son. Change is all around us.


We send our Middle Son off on the adventure of a lifetime to spend eight weeks in Thailand with school. It is a time of challenge and change for all of us as we let go just a little bit more.


Twenty years after the death of his wife and daughter, having raised two young boys into fine young men on his own, my brother-in-law remarries. It is a day of great joy tinged with sadness. He moves away, begins a new career with a new family. The extended family space changes and adapts once more.

Change Quote 3


A dear friend dies suddenly and we are confronted with the reality of the struggle with ageing and illness. Life is changed not only for his family and friends but for the local theatre scene of which he was such a large part. (http://wp.me/p3OKST-d9)


Along with my three team mates, I successfully complete the Oxfam Trailwalker 100km challenge in 25 hours 35 minutes. More importantly, we raise $6,500 and change the lives of hundreds of people we will never meet. (http://wp.me/p3OKST-ft)


I get my first work for the year in a special school for children with severe disabilities as a relief teacher. It will be a change of career that will come to feed my soul.

Change Quote 1


My father dies. And life is changed forever. (http://wp.me/p3OKST-pi)


One of my dearest friends undergoes a heart transplant. I marvel at the miracle of science and what can be done to keep a person alive. In such a transaction, however, it is more than one life that is changed. It is a new stage of life for both the recipient of the heart and the family of the donor. Life and death. Life in death.


The Eldest Son turns eighteen. I change into a parent of an adult and I wonder how on earth that happened. (http://wp.me/p3OKST-we)

Change Quote 5


A friend issues the challenge to enter my first “fun run” (the most obvious oxymoron ever). Not inclined to do things by halves, I accept the challenge to run a half-marathon. I change into a Spreadsheet Slave as I commit (as I only I can) to the suggested training regimen. How many more months do I have to do this?? (http://wp.me/p3OKST-AZ)


The Eldest Son graduates from secondary school. One stage ends, another begins. What change is ahead is only a guess until results and offers come through in the new year.

The Youngest Son turns thirteen and I change into a parent of three teenage boys. I don’t know how that happened either.


The Youngest Son graduates from primary school and after thirteen years, we are done with the junior years forever. We await the impact of the change to secondary school for the ‘baby’ of the family, confident that he will make his own mark just as his brothers have before him.

Change Quote 2


Change. Life is all about change. And as we journey into 2015, it will continue to change and to grow.

A new adventure awaits.

Change Quote 4



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