I lost my job yesterday. I work as a casual relief (substitute) teacher in a special education school. On Sunday, our state government announced that schools would be closed from Tuesday. It made sense. We were due to finish for two weeks of school holidays at the end of the week anyway so it’s only an extra four days. And I’d be happy to view it as that except that in the current environment, nobody actually knows how long this will last. Three weeks, six weeks, six months? It’s the unknown that gets to you.
Permanent and contracted staff will continue to be paid. Casual staff will not. I was booked in to replace a teacher for the whole week but that’s now ended. Should schools remain closed after the holidays, teachers will revert to the online provision of a program. How that works with high needs special education, I don’t know but what I do know is that online teaching will not require casual replacement teachers so there will be no work until the schools open again.
I’m luckier than others. I know that eventually, when this crisis is over, schools will reopen and my work will return. Others will not be so lucky as extended lockdowns send businesses to the wall. We’re also in a pretty solid financial position so we will survive the loss of income. I know I shouldn’t complain.
But here’s the thing – it’s not about the money.
I love my job. Work is my happy place. My students fill my heart and soul with joy and satisfaction. It’s the loss of this that has me feeling weighted down and my heart aching.
What will I miss?
I’ll miss
- the utter joy on faces as I play my guitar and we bop along to I’m A Believer or Down On The Corner
- the hysterical giggles when I sing all the funny voices for the different emotions in If You’re Happy and You Know it (angry and sad are favourites – that my students find my singing a song while crying as hilariously funny is slightly disturbing)
- the literal tears of pride when a student achieves a learning goal for the first time
- the cheeky and mischievous grins
- finding that new way of doing something that means a student has a better day
- the cheerful greetings as I walk around the school – as a CRT, all the kids know me and I know the name of every single one of them
- working as a team with my Education Support co-workers, the true rockstars of special education
- singing made up songs while pushing a swing to give a student with difficult behaviours a happy play time
- all the feels – when my students are happy, sad, angry, upset, proud, unwell – they touch my heart so deeply
And I worry. I worry for the students for whom school is their safe space, the only place they receive what we call ‘unconditional regard’ and are nourished in body, mind and soul. I worry for the parents forced to give up work to care for their child every day and the financial impact of that and the lack of respite they will receive from the intensity it takes to care for a special needs child.
I know I am luckier than so many others but sometimes you just have to acknowledge that pain in your heart and what is causing it. I am grieving and the only thing that will fix it is a return to the job I love. It will come but it’s likely to be a long and challenging journey to get there.
How are you bearing up under the conditions imposed to combat COVID-19?
I do hope, darlin old H, that you can arrive ere long at a place where you can occasionally consider the negatives that you don’t miss ..
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I’m sure I will at some point. It just hit me harder than I expected and I needed to work out why. And I guess these are the reasons I continue to work there despite those negatives. š
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Of course there are – and thy greatly outweigh said negs. But if one or two of the latter find their way to the surface (in the roilings of yer mind), it might offset a weeny bit your unhappiness. Love you, H !
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It sounds like you are a wonderful teacher. Perhaps you can record a few videos and get word around to the kids.
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Thw irony is that if I were a permanent or contracted teacher I would actually have access to a platform that would allow me to do that but as a casual I don’t. You can understand that privacy is very tightly controlled so I have no contact information for any students in addition to not having access to various platforms and portals.
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I understand. Still, it seems like a good time to use whatever tools (sorry) that are available.
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Sorry you are out of work. This will pass in time. I agree they’ll be hard times a head for many. Stay positive
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Thank you. It feels whingey to complain when others will be so much more severely impacted but this is how it felt yesterday so I wrote about it. I’ll be fine.
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Uncertain times. The landscape might look a lot different on the other side of this pandemic. You are not being whiney.
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It is indeed sad times for so many, which you’ve done a wonderful job in explaining.
The one hopeful thing I’m seeing in my part of the world are the many people who have reached out to volunteer as tutors.
Hubby and I are considered to be in the more vulnerable age group. We’re still in Arizona, enjoying the weather and the relative ease of self-distancing in a warm climate where there are lots of retired people in the same boat. Our home country, Canada, has said we should return home – but we have chosen not to do that. Hubby’s years of working in a field where risk management was a priority – made us decide it was less risky to stay here than to return to Canada until spring!
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That sounds very sensible, Margy. I’m glad you’re keeping safe.
Thanks for your encouragement about the post. It’s always hard to write something like this when you know others are doing it much tougher and not make it sound too “woe is me”.
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I’m so glad you found this happy place. It will find you again when the time is right xxx
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Yes, it will still be there when this is over and I am lucky in that regard.
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I am so sorry you lost a job you clearly love so much. You bring up such a great point about those children who come to school to be in their safe place. I have been watching a number of creative people coming up with creative ways to connect online, teachers included. Would there be any way you might be able to reach out to some of your students on a virtual basis and share some of the activities you mentioned? Just trying to be an outside the box thinker up herešØš¦. Sending you love & hugs my friendš
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It’s tricky because I don’t have any way of making contact. You have to be given permission and be registered to log into the online communication options. I don’t even receive the school emails that go out to staff.
However… the brain has just started ticking and I think I may have an idea. š
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Yay for ideas! Go get it girl!
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i have to agree about some kids having the safe space . I am a home care nurse( pediatric) and i can already see first hand the effect it is having on families. Tempers are flaring and stress/tension is high. Parents who have never had to spend this much time with their children are absolutely at their wits end. It’s nice when i hear of parents who are actually enjoying the extra time but it is not as common as one would think or like. We become conditioned by our circumstances and change is hard. I also know that some kids need the socialization so badly for many reasons- and parents struggle with entertaining and making sure education continues. It is s complex and all we can do is adapt as best we can.
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The flow on effects are huge and there are still things I’m sure we haven’t thought of. Anxiety is high but as you say, we have to be prepared to adapt to a different way of living.
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You are a real gem, Lucy. Big virtual hug. Thinking of youā¤ļø
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Henry! Thank you so much for coming to visit me here and for your support. I’ve missed you. ā¤
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The children will miss you too. This is going to be a long road for all of us to travel. My daughter is a flight attendant and while her job is still secure at this stage, she is travelling daily with people who turn out to be positive to the virus a few days after they travel. It’s a worry.
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That must be so stressful for your daughter. We knew we would have to close. Some of our students are very vulnerable health-wise and we certainly worried about them being inadvertently exposed by us. So I accept it as necessary but it doesn’t really make it easier.
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I think it’s been more stressful for her mother than for her.
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Hope she stays safe.
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Me too. It’s been a worry.
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That’s awful, Carol! I hadn’t realised. God bless!
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Yes, Melissa works for Virgin. The company has been so supportive of their staff and she loves her job.
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I hope they can continue to look after her. Hugs to you all š š
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Thanks Jo. I’m sure they will do their best.
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Iām so sorry to read this ā for you and for the children. I understand the reasons, and the constraints that you have in relation to doing anything more for the kids, and I also know how sad and frustrated you must be feeling. Kia Kaha.
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Thanks, Su. It’s hard when it happens so suddenly. I had the whole week planned, activities prepared and then bang, it was gone. I did put the activities into their take home packs so not wasted but it’s hard to be expecting to be at work all week and then be told ‘Don’t come Tuesday.’
But it will return one day so I’ll just have to keep busy until then. I have some teaching resources I’ve been wanting to make for ages so now I’ll have time. š
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Yes, the pace of change catches us out. I’m sure the resources you make will be fab.
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Stephen King was spot on, wasn’t he? Sad for you, H. A couple of people have mentioned videos and maybe you had a germ of an idea? I know you to be a resourceful lady and I’m sure you’ll find a way to use your spare time in a good way, even if you can’t contact these youngsters directly. Sending hugs, darlin! Hang in there! š š
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I went looking for a quote about change, saw that one and it was “Yes! That’s exactly it!” š
Yes, video is part of the idea. I’m not going to say what it is though because I may yet chicken out given it involves putting myself on camera, not my most favourite place to be.
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Nor mine, but you’ll do it if you need to š š
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Oh, and predictably, it started out as a very simple idea and has now morphed into something more involved. But I’ve got three weeks to make it happen before the next term starts. š
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Go to it! We’re rooting for you (and those kids š )
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Sorry to hear this, m’dear. I mean about the loss of your work and the enrichment it brought to your life besides the financial.
Judging by the comments, it sounds like you may already have a inkling of an idea of how to solve the problem – you are a genius at problem solving, Heather, – you’ll think of something.
From my naive perch across the globe, it strikes me that surely to goodness exceptions can be made to the rules – compassion and common sense must prevail, yes?
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Thank you, dear Maggie. There are actually some exceptions for vulnerable students (in terms of being in out of home care or being at risk at home) so that’s good to know. Yes, I’m quite excited about this idea I have and I’m looking forward to this project to work on in the next couple of weeks.
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That’s my girl! š
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I’m sorry to read this. I can understand why it happened but the impact of it is something more difficult to wrap my head around. Like the SK quote, life turns on a dime– but really must it? Couldn’t life turn on a larger coin so that things would happen more slowly and make more sense?
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Yeah, why can’t it turn on, like, a silver dollar? Just so we get some warning.
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Donāt hesitate to āāwhineā. Thatās what weāre here for, and in your case, itās not really whining at all. Itās called grieving. You lost something precious and important to you. Yes, it may be temporary, but youāre feeling the loss just the same.
Be well, Heather.
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Thanks for understanding, Joanne. The beauty of sharing in this forum is that I now have a project in mind to keep me connected to the students at my school and I’m quite excited by that. š
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I sensed that from the comments. Isnāt it magic when blog comments bring some great point of clarity that was previously hidden? Good luck with your new project!
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It made writing the post so worthwhile even if I wondered if I should write it because it sounded like I was whingeing.
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Iām a firm believer in the āPower of Whineā. It helps to talk something out to a friendly audience where there is no penalty. I find that just voicing it makes it feel better.
Your loss is real and you are not alone.
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I am a firm believer in the “Power of Wine”. Especially in these trying times….
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Hahahahaha!!!!
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Beautiful words that express what so many are feeling. Take care and stay safe.
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Thanks, Ruth. It seems to have resonated with a lot of people. Makes it easier knowing I’m not alone in how I’m feeling. Be well and stay safe.
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Heather, I’m sorry that you have temporarily lost the joy in seeing your kids at school. It’s difficult to have to sit still when a job is so fulfilling for you. Like you, I worry about those without jobs, the small business owners that have to shut down their places, the poor that rely on free daily meals to sustain, and those that are will and fighting for their lives. But I have faith and hope that we’ll get through this crisis and be better for it on the other side.
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I try every day to remember that I am lucky really. But then I have days like today when I wonder what supports are there for casual teachers and on searching for information on the Department of Education website, find nothing. Like we don’t exist. Hence gin and musicals.
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My neighbor is a teacher at the local technical college, but her position is not permanent. She is not teacher and is also laid off from her other job at a motel. I feel for her as she has no other source of income except to claim unemployment. Perhaps I need share your gin and musical night with her.
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I think she would need it. The loss of income is a nightmare but the loss of purpose is what hurts the most.
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I’m sorry to hear about your job Heather. Our son in law lost his job last week. Such upside down times where normal no longer has much meaning. I do think about those who don’t have safe spaces to go or the support of teachers like yourself. So much loss and hardship.
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I’m sorry to hear your family has also been impacted in this way. There are so many ripples and flow ons affecting so many.
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Maybe you can start working as an SEO content writer, there are a lot of SEO websites where you can apply for work and start right away š
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You are the essence of a true teacher. Thanks for being there for the kids.
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Thanks, Geri.
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