Toxic Cloud Warning

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A MOSY News exclusive

Southern Australia, 8 January 2017

Meteorologists are warning the public of a large testosterone cloud that has emerged in a small area of south-eastern Australia in recent weeks. They are unsure of the reasons for the development of the toxic plume but it is assumed to be caused by the cessation of normal activities in the area.

It is not known what health impacts are likely from exposure to the testosterone cloud but medical experts have issued a warning to anyone living in the area who is genetically female and carries the motherhood gene that there could be moderate to severe psychological effects. Such persons are advised to exit the area whenever possible to reduce exposure. Some relief from symptoms is possible through contact with other genetically female persons not affected by the cloud.

Non-residents are being advised to steer clear of the area.

While climate experts cannot yet fully account for the emergence of the cloud, analysis of historical data would suggest that this is not an entirely new phenomenon and there has been evidence of similar developments in the past. In these cases, the cloud has dissipated by early February which would indicate that the reduction in normal activities in the area is the probable cause of the toxic cloud.

Based on such evidence and despite the unusual size of the current development, it is hoped that this testosterone cloud will dissipate by mid-February. The Bureau of Meteorology advises that the cloud should hold no immediate danger to the wider community but that those living in the area should exercise caution at all times in the coming weeks.

MNN

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55 thoughts on “Toxic Cloud Warning”

  4. Either this is very esoteric (which I suspect is the case) or I have not been diligent in keeping up with the news from southern Australia. I’m not usually this bad at discerning satire.

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  5. I had that problem with only one of my two sons. As much as I sympathize with your plight, this post actually makes me feel better. For the longest time I simply assumed I was the world’s worst mother. Now it seems that this is apparently a guy-thing rather than a mother issue :/

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  6. Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about any testosterone clouds unless you count the times Gibbs doesn’t cover his poo. Otherwise, we’re all fairly clean and fresh smelling around here. Perhaps you can resolve your problem by setting up a sprinkler by the front and back doors and posting guards at both exits with soapy water-filled super soakers, in case they try to escape.

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  7. Or, M-J, she might set up an in-house trap thingy to grab the occasional ankle as it makes its way towards the ingestion area – which is possibly the sole example of actual activity within the T.C.
    Once grabbed, any ankle could then be prevented from returning to become once again immovable in front of a computer screen of any kind; and possibly even dragged towards the kitchen sink …!

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    • Yes, this is a more plausible plan. Still might not get the Youngest though as even food does not seem to hold enough attraction to draw him away from the computer. Maybe in the doorway of the toilet? Maybe I could install one of those automatic cleaning systems like they have in the public toilets that sprays the whole room if you don’t exit fast enough?

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  8. I’m still laughing too hard to say much. Though I must admit the boy-child has always showered excessively and I know about the existence of the cloud mainly from hosting his friends. Actually, we’ve noticed that our gas bill has gone done since he moved out, and we use waaay less water.

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  9. Hahaha… so sorry for getting the giggles MOSY. As a mother of 3 boys myself I can only be thankful that summer holidays in England weren’t hot enough to cause much of a cloud! Having said that my 14 year old grandson seems to think showers and deodorant are only for the female of the species. Roll on mid-February!

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    • I can do the odd pyjama day but I’ll never understand the attraction of living in the same pair of pjs and not showering for four days straight. Yewwww.

      One day last week, I walked around the house and the Middle Son was watching tv in the lounge, the Eldest Son was eating his lunch in the dining room, the Youngest Son was on the computer in the family room and the Husband was sitting on our bed listening to the cricket. There was literally no testosterone-free place to sit. So I left and went for a swim in the ocean. 🙂

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  12. We have two grandsons staying at present. One is water shy the other isn’t. Seems competitiveness rules their lives, particularly where food is concerned; they hardly ever eat the same things. Pokemon is a whole new experience where the elder talks incessantly about a world I know so little about. Incubating eggs to create new Pokemons has at least encouraged them to join us on walks, as it helps incubate the new baby Pokemons! Good luck, I hardly like to wish the month away!

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    • Yes, I don’t really want a rapid end to the holidays. I’ll just have to hold my breath. 🙂

      Pokemon Go had a very limited time of interest in this house. They moved on rather rapidly. Funny how they can be related and grow up in the same house but turn out so differently. Good luck with those boys! 🙂

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  14. Reblogged this on journey's Sketch and commented:
    it’s admirable to bump into such voice, such paradigm, such deconstructive senses, such esoteric eloquence..such, such and such. It’s good to the world still spins outside of our encoded mindset. I nominate this post as the best of my year so far 😉 i forwarded the link to two of my most pragmatic penpal with caption: “See, i am not crazy…neither alone”

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