“Do What You Love”
That’s what the card said, pulled from the deck with the question of “what should I be doing?” held in my head and my heart.
“What do you really love doing?” I was asked.
I hesitated as a million options came and went across my mind.
To write? Yes. But mainly in that spontaneous, conversational exchange of comments. The commitment and inspiration required for a more sustained effort eludes me.
To sing? Yes. But not in public. Not too many employment options for a singer restrained to singing along to the stereo in her car.
To draw? Yes. But only for myself, the only one who could possibly be amused by my amateurish efforts.
The running and the rowing? My absence from either activity in recent wintry weeks clearly reveals it is a thing I do only with effort. No bliss there, then.
To teach? Yes. And No. Currently working as a relief teacher in a special school, what I love is interacting with the children. What I don’t love is the daily terror of being found out for the fraud I am, lacking in any qualifications or experience for such work.
“If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are – if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.” – Joseph Campbell
If finding your bliss is putting yourself on the right path, I’ve been wandering lost in the woods for a good long while.
Does finding your bliss have to be finding that one thing that brings you daily joy? Could it not be a combination of things? Could it not be the thing that brings you joy at that moment?
I have not sat at the piano and played my own music for many months. Yesterday, the compulsion overcame me and I pulled out songs I haven’t sung since last year. I can’t explain why. Even now, as I type, my eye continues to be drawn to the piano in the corner, my fingers itching to produce music instead of words.
Why? Why now and not then?
I have no idea.
All I do know is that there is no single thing I can provide as an answer to “What do you really love doing?” because I love it all, just in certain measures, at certain times, in response to certain needs.
What about you? Have you found your bliss?
Postscript: Thinking about the question later in the day, one answer did occur to me. I love to read aloud, especially to children. The silly voices, the funny faces, I love it all. So if you hear of a job going for a storyteller, you will let me know, won’t you?