If this post actually makes it into your Reader or email inbox, it will be a miracle. Because right now, the words just ain’t working.
I haven’t posted in nearly a week. The blogging experts in WordPress reckon you shouldn’t say things like that but, hey, it’s my dinner party so I’ll do what I want. Even if I am holding it in the WordPress dining room, I’ve paid my booking fee so I figure I have some liberties.
Why aren’t they working?
One of my myriad trades is as a Casual Relief Teacher at a school for children with high intellectual and physical disabilities. It is demanding work physically, mentally and emotionally. In addition, I don’t have a background in Special Education so I am flying virtually blind every time I step into a classroom. I basically run my brain like a supercomputer all day when it’s really just a small netbook.
We’re into the busy time of year when it comes to teacher absences so I’ve had a lot of work lately. This past week, I worked every day. As much as I would have liked to head home at the end of each school day to a cup of tea, a Bex and a good lie down, I am also a mother of three boys so my own life comes into play for the rest of the day/evening/into the night.
And let’s face it, I’m not running on a lot of resources at present as it is. I spend a lot of energy trying to keep Grieving Me shut in a room at the back of my emotional house. “I don’t have time,” I tell her. “We’ll talk later.” She doesn’t listen. She likes to wander out at inconvenient moments and make me teary.
I was hit in the face by a thrown book on Monday. It happens and it didn’t really worry me. At least, it didn’t until someone asked me, with a caring look, “Are you okay?” And there were the damn tears, just below the surface, ready to jump in and make the situation embarrassing.
Words. I was talking about words.
They’re just not working properly.
I am, in this very instant, fighting the impulse to hit the Trash button on this whole post. The words seem wrong. Like a pile of hard rubbish left in a mess on the side of the road.
So I sit here, staring at the screen, trying to get my brain in gear while my mind rolls backwards down the hill.
I will make myself hit Publish if only to wave a feeble hand and say “Still here.”