It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, when you’ve been posting every couple of days in the first flush of blog-love, a four day delay counts as a while. Sometimes life gets in the way. Real life, that is. As opposed to blog life.
And also this:
In the wee hours of Saturday morning, I awoke to a wave of embarrassment washing over me. Actually, it didn’t so much wash over me as dump me. Hard. As anyone who has ever been dumped by an ocean wave knows, it hurts.
Why the embarrassment? This. The blog. I woke up thinking about it and was suddenly overcome by embarrassment. I can’t even tell you why. It was one of those ‘what was I thinking?’ moments that can strike when your confidence defences are down.
I pushed the feeling aside and went back to sleep. But I was bruised and bruises take time to heal. So recent days have held a running commentary in my head:
“Why are you embarrassed?”
“I don’t know. What if I’m making a fool of myself?”
“Does it matter? I mean, really, what impact would it have on your life?”
“But it’s so public. Someone out there could be thinking I’m an idiot.”
“Ha! Like that would be a first!”
“Well, that’s a bit mean.”
“It’s true, though. It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve done something stupid, is it?”
“Say something nice.”
“Get a grip and I might.”
“Sigh. You’re right. I’m being ridiculous.”
“Yes, you are. It’s your blog, do what makes you happy and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.”
“Okay. Yes. You’re absolutely right.”
“Of course I’m right. I’m you.”
And then I discovered Eleanor Roosevelt and her wisdom. (Well, obviously, I’d heard of her, I knew who she was, but I didn’t know much about her.) I haven’t read about her in depth, so I make no judgement on her personal history but from the numerous quotes I’ve found, she was certainly a wise lady.
Someone shared the quote at the beginning of this post just as I was struggling with my self-doubt (I know, I do that a lot) and it helped me push on in my exploration of boundaries unknown. Only through doing what we think we can’t do can there be real growth. It’s worth also noting the following quote from Pablo Picasso: “I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”
On researching other quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt, I discovered more wise words which I’d also like to share.
How apt in light of my early hours tsunami of humiliation.
This I fully intend to do. I’ve often described myself as having a short attention span, as I do have a tendency to want to know what comes next and to try new things. I like Eleanor’s reasoning. I intend to live life to the utmost and fill it with new and exciting experiences whenever possible. And not to feel embarrassed about it, because…
Thank you, Eleanor Roosevelt.